Chuck Norris

Chase · Post by **Chase** » Sun Jan 29, 2006 11:24 pm

After reading Gristlyn's post and seeing that he mentioned Chuck Norris, I decided to make some of you aware of a FEW Chuck Norris' many godly accomplishments:

1. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

2. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

3. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

4. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

5. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

6. If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.

7. Every dinosaur skull ever found has the imprint of a size 15 cowboy boot on its jaw. Scientists are baffled, but we know damn well why.

8. Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

9. The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

10. A man was once stranded on the side of the road after his car ran out of gas. Chuck Norris drove by, got out, and looked the man in the eye. The man knew that everything would be fine. Then Chuck proceeded to piss into the man's gas tank and to this very day that man has never had to fill his gas tank up again. That was 14 years ago.

Vurek · Post by **Vurek** » Mon Jan 30, 2006 2:13 pm

I'm never going to understand this sudden fad with Chuck Norris. Sure it's funny, but man it reminds me of when little kids discover candy. Reminds me of stickdeath a couple years ago. Or something lame like that, they don't ever shut up about it.

Growler · Post by **Growler** » Mon Jan 30, 2006 2:16 pm

www.chucknorrisfacts.com

Since I stated Chuck Norris he seems to be poping up everywhere... 8)

Chase · Post by **Chase** » Mon Jan 30, 2006 4:49 pm

Vurek, dont be angry because you are jealous of Chuck Norris. Go eat some candy little kid.

Lithium · Post by **Lithium** » Mon Jan 30, 2006 6:37 pm

The Vin Diesel fact generator existed before the Chuck Norris one. It's funnier too!

http://www.4q.cc/vin/index.php

Viral · Post by **Viral** » Mon Jan 30, 2006 7:08 pm

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Vin Diesel allows to live.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

When Vin Diesel goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Vin Diesel could use to kill you, including the room itself

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

Pretty sad. They use the same facts for both sites

Lithium · Post by **Lithium** » Mon Jan 30, 2006 7:17 pm

But the Vin Diesel ones came first!

Chase · Post by **Chase** » Mon Jan 30, 2006 8:21 pm

Yes, but Chuck Norris has a kick ass beard.

Lithium · Post by **Lithium** » Mon Jan 30, 2006 9:17 pm

But Vin Diesel eats children!

Chase · Post by **Chase** » Mon Jan 30, 2006 11:04 pm

Beard.

http://bunyan451.free.fr/chuck.gif

Vurek · Post by **Vurek** » Tue Jan 31, 2006 2:58 pm

.....

Chase · Post by **Chase** » Tue Jan 31, 2006 4:35 pm

Yes, awesome isnt it??

Vurek · Post by **Vurek** » Tue Jan 31, 2006 7:12 pm

......

Gristlyn · Post by **Gristlyn** » Tue Jan 31, 2006 10:54 pm

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Chase · Post by **Chase** » Tue Jan 31, 2006 11:16 pm

.......?

Vurek · Post by **Vurek** » Wed Feb 01, 2006 12:13 am

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Vurek · Post by **Vurek** » Wed Feb 01, 2006 12:14 am

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Gristlyn quote: "you can print this out and use it as lined paper!"

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH . Damn that was funny at the time. HAHAHbwhaha.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Feb 01, 2006 3:14 am

But does Vin Diesel have a song about him???
i dont think so....

http://www.break.com/index/snlchuck.html

Chuckster is the ownage just look how much damage he causes in

http://www.nearlygood.com/video/ultimateshowdown.html

its pretty acurate just that bruce lee wasnt a master of karatataee

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Feb 01, 2006 4:00 pm

lol i have to say that was freaking funny